POSTAL BULLETS
News From The Postal Underworld

Uwe actually made the news twice since our last newsletter. First, he made waves by filing suit against his American distributor Romar Entertainment for its alleged failure to open Uwe's latest videogame-to-film release, "Bloodrayne" on 2,000 screens. Boll also accused Romar of neglecting to pay the film's producers their share of gross receipts and failing to use the $10 million Uwe says he gave Romar to market the movie.

Romar's co-founder, James Schramm , responded that Boll had removed Romar's name and logo from the film's credits and put his own name there instead. Schramm also has the redass over Boll's alleged refusal to pay him the 1% of the film's DVD sales, his failure to make cast members available for press junkets and Uwe's refusal to allow critics to screen the film. Schramm also contends that the film was a total financial write-off for Romar and professes to want nothing to do with future Boll-derdash.

But while Uwe's ground-and-pound on his US distributor created a ripple of interest in Lotusland, it was the arrival of his next publicity strike that caused the shit to hit the game and film fan. Vince Desi first heard about this one when he received an email from Gamespot's Curt Feldman regarding a story that first broke on Skewed & Reviewed. As Curt put it: " Vince , good buddy, man of many opinions, the unafraid one... is this for real??

Apparently inspired by Running With Scissors' ongoing sponsorship of mixed martial artists (see following story), Uwe rang the media's bell by issuing a press release daring his critics to put up their dukes and fight like men, rather than doing their job and evaluating his movies. Entitled " Uwe Boll Challenges His Critics To Put Up Or Shut Up!" the PR informed his detractors: "I am fed up. I'm fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet without see[ing] them."

How fed up IS he? Pretty fed up, apparently, since he has declared that, upon completion of his next two films ("In the Name of the King" based on the Dungeon Siege games and "Seed") he wants to integrate a series of boxing matches into the filming of – you guessed it – the POSTAL movie. "Toward the end of the filming of POSTAL the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms," the press release vowed. "As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in POSTAL and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING [upper case all Uwe's] to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match [we're assuming here he meant 10 rounds ]. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie [and] certain scenes from these boxing matches will become [get ready to grit your teeth] part of the POSTAL movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by the international press."

Uwe's got that one right. His "Boll-ing for Glory" PR drew disbelieving and generally snarky comments throughout all levels of the media, even landing the number three position on the Hot List in the June 23 rd issue of Entertainment Weekly, trailing only China's cinematic ban of "DaVinci Code" and its seemingly paradoxical approval of "MI: 3".

Okay, okay, I can see you starting work on the speed bag already, but slow down; not just any know-it-all film geek gets an opportunity to take out their aesthetic frustrations on Herr Boll . Uwe's looking for big names (not Lennox Lewis-level names; I'm thinking he's more targeting Harry Knowles fighting in the style of Butterbean); he wants to do battle with critics who posted at least two particularly excoriating anti-Uwe rants during 2005.

Uwe's also interested in putting the smack down on fellow filmmakers, specifically calling out both Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avary . Avary, of course, not only worked with Tarantino on the "Pulp Fiction" screenplay (which was, what, based on "Sonic & Tails"?) but more recently scripted the game-inspired "Silent Hill" and will both write and direct the upcoming film versions of the "Driver" games.

Viable contenders must submit proof that they expressed bad opinions of Boll in 2005 to info@boll-kg.de .

Oh yeah, when asked if he had any comment to make on Uwe's latest PR brainstorm, Vince Desi had his head buried in his hands, muttering only: "I didn't know he was going to do this. He didn't tell me."

POSTAL People in the News
Not all our Postal People have been naughty boys and girls. Congratulations to former Playmate and Playboy video superstar – not to mention the Postal Babe of the Year 2005, the sizzling Jennifer Walcott , who was named one of eight finalists in the annual WWE Diva Search. The finalists were revealed to wrestling fans on a recent installment of WWE RAW.

Now go and check out those back issues of this newsletter for the two issues starring Ms. Walcott and, as they used to say in Chicago , vote early and often.

Finally, make sure you catch the latest Jack in the Box commercial starring POSTAL stalwart and actor-celebrity Gary Coleman in a "Poker with the Stars" spoof. Good ad and Gary 's excellent in it.

Vince Desi Covers RWS MMA Postal Punisher's Latest Victory
Just last issue we reported on the latest victory by RWS-sponsored MMA stud Chad Griggs, one of five fighters sponsored by RWS (also including Drew Fickett, Ed West, Shane Johnson and female shooter Hayley "The Hammer" Salazar) and the man Vince Desi has dubbed the Postal Punisher. Well, we've got another Griggs victory to tell you about and, since Vince himself was on the scene, here's his report on the latest knot in Chad Griggs' blazing victory string:

-The last thing Tsoie saw before being hit
so hard his ancestors swallowed a tooth...

"We attended Rage in the Cage (RITC) # 82 at the Desert Diamond Casino in Tucson AZ , an enterprise of the Tahono O'odham Nation. Our fighter Shane "Battle Cat" Johnson's match was cancelled, something about paperwork from his last fight in San Diego being mis-filed. But Chad Griggs made up for our mutual disappointment when he destroyed Jon Tsosie in 45 seconds of the first round. I mean he really busted him up with the ground and pound. When Chad entered the ring, he went into total POSTAL mode; he was in another dimension! I literally feared for the opponent as I sat ringside and I'm not kidding. The bell rang and Chad reminded me of the early gladiator-era Mike Tyson . He charged and took Tsosie down, relentlessly pounding his head, face, and body with sharp elbows and ham-like fists. No prayer could have saved him."

Chad is now 5-0 in MMA and, like RWS and the rest of our fighters lives in the Tucson area. He weighs in at 234 lbs and also works as a fireman with the Tucson Fire Dept. "And, as they say, anybody that sees a house on fire and runs in and not away is cut from a different cloth," Vince added. "He may save lives in his day job, but he destroys his opponents at night in the cage. Unlike the staged performances of the WWE, MMA fighting is pure brutality, reality fighting all the way."

Tsosie is the RITC Native American champion.

Up Next: An Ozzie Fighter? Wowie Zowie!
RWS recently received its first application for sponsorship from an Australian MMA fighter, a scrapper with the appealing nom de guerre of Zowie McGrath . We hope to have more information on this story next issue, but regular readers of this newsletter know that the only reason I'm really running this is so Steve can run that Road Warrior picture we all love so much.

Yay!

Video Games Live Concerts Rolling On!
Tommy Tallarico, longtime friend of RWS, famous game music composer, G4 star and Impresario of the Greatest Videogame Show on Earth wrote to us recently regarding his must-see Video Games Live concert series.

"I just finished cutting together a new trailer for my Video Games Live concert & world tour. I think it's the best one yet that captures all of the excitement and energy of the show."

The show has drawn critical praise and when it arrives in your town just go and you can thank us later.

Tell Tommy that The Gimp sent you.

Overseas Editions of The Urinal Still Overflowing the International Scene

German The Dude Magazine - This is the most ambitious POSTAL fan magazine project we have seen and contains original material. We at RWS are in the process of granting them free access to all materials from The Urinal – in fact, since some of these publications can show nip, you might want to check them out for POSTAL Babe shots that even WE can't show you. In any case, at the moment this is simply a magazine devoted to POSTAL and The Dude and whether you can read German or not, it's well worth checking out. In fact, when you check out the Postal Nation column in this issue, you'll learn about an incredible new project being launched by Stefan – The Dude DataBase!

Also, our old friend Ralf Strugale has updated his cool German POSTAL site at http://www.postal-world.de/

Russian Russia has certainly embraced the POSTAL series – we've sold, like, millions of copies over there – so it was inevitable that a site such as this would turn up. Take a trip that melts the Iron Curtain, comrades, and see what a Urinal looks like in Russia .

Portuguese Postal Network: Pedro is among our oldest and most loyal fans and among the first to seek permission to translate our newsletter into other tongues.

Swedish I mean, with all those hot, blond POSTAL Babes, you KNEW there hadda be a Swedish version, right?

Italian Manuel Marino, nother of our true veterans and hall of fame fans brings you a Urinal with Italiano zest!

Benelux/Dutch D. Dam Wichers decided The Benelux countries need The Urinal too, folks. This is a recent effort and we wish Danny Dam the best of luck.

Japan Toshi informs us POSTAL is extremely popular in the Pacific Rim and I'm sure we'd do even better there if we included bondage shots in the games. Oh well, you can't have everything.

Gallic/French This is the publication that drew 18 different suggestions for an appropriate translation of our title. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Ouamdu Ouamdu to run here.

This International POSTAL phenomenon has somewhat overwhelmed us, but if you're game for posting our newsletter in the language of your choice (from Klingon to Hobbit to Brad Pitt in "Snatch"), let us know and we'll do anything we can to help get you started.

Seeing the POSTAL Sites

As always, here's an arbitrary list of POSTAL-related sites presented in no particular order:

* http://www.freewebs.com/postalaw/thepostalworld.htm has a new Share The Pain review up.

* http://www.postalfr.com French Postal forums. Parlez des machettes de boomerang en Français!
Le' W00T!

 * The new URL for the Bitches With Attitude forums is: www.bitcheswithattitude.net go chat with the Grrlz that WILL kick your sorry ass.

*http://moddb.com/ Your one-stop shop for all things Mod related.

* www.postalnetwork.org The first and greatest Postal portal!

* http://www.resurrection-studios.com/ Home of the Eternal Damnation Mod project.

* http://elitebastard.com/kamek/ Kamek's batcave of Postal Moddery. Loads of cool stuff for multiplayer Postal!

* http://www.bitchassmofos.com/ BAMF's multiplayer Postal Clan

* http://postal2.tk/ Looks like a store page, smells like a store page, but under the brazen attempt to sell you Share The Pain are links to free multiplayer maps and other Postal-related goodness!

* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=15229050&Mytoken=20050728120705 Ever wonder what The Dude's friends are like? Well, you can meet 27 of them right here.

* http://www.freewebs.com/bitches-with-attitude/index.htm The old Bitches With Attitude site with really awful LOUD midi music on it. They will taunt you a second time and kick your ear's ass!

* http://www.geocities.com/hellchild1989/home2.htm Another Postal fan sharing his pain. Quick, check out his Postal cartoons for some extra Deep Hurting before he does something crazy...