[The Game Doctor has been a legend in the electronic gaming industry since he debuted in the world's first video/computer game publication, "Electronic Games" in 1981. He has answered software-related questions in more than a dozen magazines and gaming sites. As a long-time fan of POSTAL, he has made periodic pilgrimages to the gopostal.com site and now returns to answer questions for The Urinal. Doctor, your patients await… The Gimp]

Who's Whizzing Who and Was the Scary Guy Afraid to Die?

Last issue we got our peckers caught in a ringer over the issue of whether or not the Postal Dude or Duke Nukem was the first videogame character to wield the Power of Piss. Now everybody knows that the Dude is infamous for his small bladder but he's not so rude that he won't pee on you if you're on fire.

Longtime POSTAL fan Soulful A observed last issue, however, that he remembered Duke Nukem being able to drain the lizard in one of his earlier games. He wrote : " I think it was one of the Duke Nukems [where] you could pee, and it would increase your health a point or two, [but] nothing such like that here."

Now while we acknowledged that some drainage went on in that long-ago Duke Nukem game (speaking of Duke, isn't his last game about a decade overdue?), we didn't feel it represented the high water mark in gaming that the Dude's wrathful use of his Johnson did in POSTAL 2. In fact, we maintained that Duke Nukem never whipped it out and sprayed the Yellow River over friends and foes in ANY of his games. And the Postalmeister added: " Duke never pissed. You could bump into a toilet and hear a flushing noise. Whee."

Well, when you bring up a subject such of the virtual whiz in the newsletter formerly known as "The Urinal" I guess you gotta expect the feedback to keep dripping in. Whatever, helpful fan Travix 21 writes: "As I recall, in Duke Nukem 3d you could pee in the toilets.  There was no stream, but you did hear the sounds of him going then the flushing.  Just thought I'd chime in.  P.S.  Postal 3 on the 360? That rocks!"

Indeed it does, T, indeed it does. As to the pissue of which game icon was the first to exploit the secrets of the Urine Nation, we honestly feel that its use in that Duke Nukem game was essentially frivolous and gratuitous and was not integrated into the gameplay in any meaningful way. Just a cheap laugh and boy do people going for cheap laughs ever piss… us… off!

Okay, on to the question, which we've gotten in several variations from different readers:

Q: We saw Gary Coleman , Vince Desi and the editor of this newsletter, (as the Golden Gimp) mo-capped and cast in POSTAL 2 – any news on who might be turning up in POSTAL 3? Also, have you ever been turned down when inviting someone to appear in one of your games?

A: Actually, we're about an issue too early to actually name names, but I think I can guarantee that the POSTAL NATION will be well pleased with our casting choices for P3 on the XBox 360 – from our Postal Babes to Very Special Guest Stars you'd never expect to find in a RWS game, you'll see perhaps the most amazing and diverse series of characters to ever get on board a single videogame.

As to the issue of whether we've ever been turned down, the fact is we actually were. Let's let Vince tell the story of self-styled Tucson super hero "The Scary Guy" and why he wouldn't allow himself to appear in P2: " Scary Guy was this real human here in Tucson ; he had his whole body tattooed including his face, head and neck, and he legally changed his name to The Scary Guy.

But when will he get his own cereal?

"When I first met him he was promoting peace, non-violence, no smoking, no drugs, etc. Anyway, I wanted to put him in POSTAL 2 but because he promoted himself as The First Living Super Hero, Scary Guy decided he couldn't allow himself to get 'killed' in the game.

"He now earns thousands of dollars to travel the world on corporate speaking engagements (I clearly chose the wrong profession). He also visits prisons.

"I became friends with him; not a bad guy."

You see? Even the Big Guys get turned down now and again.

*

And that's a wrap. Next issue Gimp and I hope to be able to provide LOTS more information on P3. In the meantime, you can find answers to the most Frequently Asked Questions, check out the official GoPostal.com site. But send any new questions regarding RWS, the POSTAL franchise and anything else that occurs to you to: GameDoctorKunkel@gopostal.com.