POSTAL BULLETS
News From The Postal Underworld

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Hey kids, do bad things and blame videogames! It's fun!
-And don't worry, I'm smart and know lawyer stuff.

Thompson was aided this time by that Government tool of an excuse for a Russian "news" agency, Pravda, which, according to Gamecloud, wrote the following pseudo-scientific treatise: "Koptsev was a quiet and unsociable young man… [who] started spending most of his time indoors and developed an addiction to computer games… [He] was playing a game called POSTAL 2 before he left home and went to the synagogue… The game which the young man was playing made him a zombie. The man was programmed to demolish and kill…"

If Jack and Pravda are to be believed, one has to assume the evil cadre of videogame scientists haven't managed to perfect the formula yet because no one died. In fact, a billion videogame players still haven't managed to kill anyone. In fact, it is our understanding that in America, The official FBI statistics on violent youth crime indicates that it is at a ten year low, and far lower than when they first started monitoring such data in 1963. Clearly more research is required before the giant army of zombie kill-bots, and Jack's lawsuit-lotto win, can be achieved.

Between the Softwrap deal and Vince's scheduled arrival in Moscow next month (our CEO and US industry Whipping Boy was voted "most influential person in the game industry" by Russia's Gameland magazine) as a guest of honor handing out an award for Best Russian Game at the MTV Russian Game Awards, this story was everywhere and Thompson was on it like a fly on a dog turd.

Of course, Jumping Jack never bothered to aknowlege the young Russian boy's father himself commented on the fact that Alexander almost never read, yet had been engrossed in an anti-Semitic tract just prior to the assault. The inflammatory text apparently proposed the idea that the Soviet government had been betrayed by a cabal of Jews. Note that Postal 2 contains NO anti-semitic content whatsoever (unless you consider our own Jew-in-residence Mike J portrayed as a giant, demon-posessed, hermaphroditic cow-monster in Apocalypse Weekend to be anti-semitic) or a knife weapon for that matter.

For our Complete and Official Response to Thompson and Pravda's accusations, click here and for alternative perspectives on the event check out the following links.

Links:

http://gamepolitics.livejournal.com/2006/01/12/

http://gamepolitics.livejournal.com/2006/01/13/

http://www.brandonsun.com/story.php?story_id=15365

http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/01/11/news/web.0111synag.php

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1136361060803&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull

http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3147004

http://newsfromrussia.com/main/2006/01/12/71044.html

http://newsfromrussia.com/main/2006/01/11/71021.html

http://www.livejournal.com/users/gamepolitics/175948.html

http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=62435

http://gameinsider.com/comments.php?catid=1&id=2249

The Vince Interviews Just Keep Comin'
You can catch yet another sit-down with the Godfather of Gaming Gore, the Shame of the Software Industry and Our Beloved Leader, Vince Desi at http://gaming.hexus.net/content/item.php?item=4461.

E3 Declares War On Postal Babes!
It's like a hot dog without the mustard; a martini without an olive; the Postal Dude without a shovel – and that just is not right! Nonetheless, changes were made recently regarding the so-called "booth babes" who have been attracting men into convention hall exhibits since Edison showed off the Model-T.

But not this year. This time out, E3 – or rather its ownership at ESA – has decided that it must not only approve each of the babes but will only permit models to be hired exclusively from an "approved" agency.

In the past, it has been traditional for Running With Scissors to stroll around the show, accompanied by Postal Babes (for security purposes only, of course) and Gary Coleman, while collecting as much press coverage as, say, Sony. "Yeah," Desi told John Callaham of Gamecloud.com in a recent interview, "the last booth we had was actually a catering cart I paid some food vendor $10 for. E3 is all about $$$.  From the very first time we introduced the Postal Babes at E3 we've been in trouble.  Basically it comes down to money – pay and you can do anything you want.  At one show we were warned and threatened with arrest. So? No problem, certainly nothing 50 bucks and some personal photos with the Postal Babes couldn't take care of.  I think maybe the ESA and the NSA are working together, so I will refrain from discussing our plans for this year."

As to the issue of booth babes somehow "degrading" the normal E3 spectacle of embedded sex scenes and exploding bodies, Vince had this to say: "You gotta be kidding. Have you ever seen the lines to have your photo taken with a booth babe?  Our industry is predominately male, and I even know some lesbians in our biz that appreciate the action we provide at E3.  I have to respectfully disagree with those who seek to pretend that sex hurts our show. This is like the Catholic Church having priests teaching sex ed. American society is a culture built on blame; it's always someone else's fault.  Who is the ESA protecting?  Maybe their bottom line. It sounds to me like this is a ploy to increase their piece of the action."

Desi also issued a statement on the subject: "I guess the Postal Babes have contributed to the moral decay of our industry and now the ESA wants to make sure video games don't get a bad rap. I've been hit with similar requests from fans and other journalists. Here's my honest answer:

 "MONEY, it's all about MONEY. The ESA owns the ESRB, and E3, and now they want to control who has booth babes, what they look like and how they're booked. I've always supported the ESRB, they have a helluva job, but this stinks of deception. So as long as we use their babes, and pay their agency, it's okay. What a crock!" 

Sorry, we just can't make Steve stop running this picture!

"You can go to a book convention and any other convention in America and see girls in near nothing, but somehow the video game industry feels it must do something about it?  What about all the prostitutes that are hired by our industry? Again, we get what we deserve... we let other entertainment industries dump on us, and they are so happy to see us take the blame for all that is evil in American society today. We play games and we always lose when it comes to the press.  If you don't like it then speak up and let the self-appointed popes of our industry know.  I hope I see full nudity on the floor of E3 this year, at least in the bathrooms."

Look for the subject to pop up again on February 1, 10:00 pm EST on the Gamers United Show on www.EGLN.net when Vince and Aaron Molloy once again tear apart this business we love.

Aussie POSTAL Fans: Don't Show Off Your Copies!
While we have no confirmed information on this subject yet, we have some additional news on the Softwrap story that we ran in our last issue. The gist of the story was that, through Softwrap, anyone in the world with access to the Internet will henceforth be able to purchase a copy of any of the POSTAL games, even in countries where the game is not sold.

Then the following note arrived from an Aussie fan: "Just wanted to let you know that I received informal legal advice that according to OFLC rules, anyone in Australia that purchases POSTAL would be in violation of our censorship laws. It doesn't matter that the item is being paid for and received via the internet. Simply downloading it would constitute 'bringing it into Australia '. 

"As for the aforementioned OFLC, this comes from their censorship site: 'Films [as well as Games] which fall within the criteria for refused classification cannot be legally brought into Australia without express permission from the Director of the OFLC.'"

And here I thought Australia was part of what we used to call the "Free World." For the whole pitiful story check this out. 

We have yet to speak with any kangaroo lawyers, but I'm sure they'll hop to it if this story catches fire.

Vince's Plugs
No, not the hair kind or the rubber stopper you use in your sink. Plugs, hype, you know, that sort of thing. In any case, you can see and hear Vince plugging Guru Larry Bundy 's show at:

www.gopostal.com/video/gurularry/clip1.mpg

www.gopostal.com/video/gurularry/clip2.mpg

Vince's Open Letter To The Uwe Boll Haters
The latest on Uwe Boll 's film version of POSTAL can be seen in an interview at http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/682/682800p1.html . And while we're on the subject of Dr. Boll , Vince recently wrote the following letter in response to one of the dozen or so hate letters we receive every month. So we thought we'd share it with you. Think about it:

The POSTAL franchise is our life here at RWS.  Please allow me to say a few things.

I recently saw Uwe Boll's latest film, Bloodrayne . I thought it was good. Did I like it as much as The Godfather ? No. But it was a lot better than the reviews, and it was a major improvement over his earlier films.

I respect Uwe Boll because he is independent, like me.  He is not part of the Hollywood bullshit. We were first approached a few years ago by Hollywood and it was an exercise in bullshit. Look, I know how big my dick is, and I don't have the insecurity issues of most scumbags driving around the Hollywood Hills. Uwe Boll deserves a lot of credit for pioneering a new movement in filmmaking; he is opening up opportunities for many other developers and movie professionals.

For some time now, there has been a campaign against him online, the same abusers over and over.

I respect Uwe Boll as a person and a professional, and I'm not kissing his ass; he's not paying me that much. But I want to work with him, because he wants to work with us, he's a fan of POSTAL.  He's giving us the opportunity to work with him on the script, casting, etc.

Do I expect we will win an Oscar ? No, Uwe Boll and I dont suck cock. But I don't make games to win awards either, we make POSTAL because we want to.

I hope I've said something to make you give Uwe Boll and I a chance. That's all I can ask. But no matter what happens, you have my word that I will do everything I can to make POSTAL a film that all RWS fans will be proud of.

I wish you a great 2006.

Vince

Overseas Editions of The Urinal Still Overflowing the International Scene
German The Dude Magazine - This is the most ambitious POSTAL fan magazine project we have seen and contains original material. We at RWS are in the process of granting them free access to all materials from The Urinal – in fact, since some of these publications can show nip, you might want to check them out for POSTAL Babe shots that even WE can't show you. In any case, at the moment this is simply a magazine devoted to POSTAL and The Dude and whether you can read German or not, it's well worth checking out.

Russian Russia has certainly embraced the POSTAL series – we've sold, like, millions of copies over there – so it was inevitable that a site such as this would turn up. Take a trip that melts the Iron Curtain, comrades, and see what a Urinal looks like in Russia .

Portuguese Pedro is among our oldest and most loyal fans and among the first to seek permission to translate our newsletter into other tongues.

Swedish I mean, with all those hot, blond POSTAL Babes, you KNEW there hadda be a Swedish version, right?

Italian Manuel Marino, nother of our true veterans and hall of fame fans brings you a Urinal with Italiano zest!

Benelux/Dutch D. Dam Wichers decided The Benelux countries need The Urinal too, folks. This is a recent effort and we wish Danny Dam the best of luck.

Japan Toshi informs us POSTAL is extremely popular in the Pacific Rim and I'm sure we'd do even better there if we included bondage shots in the games. Oh well, you can't have everything.

Gallic/French This is the publication that drew 18 different suggestions for an appropriate translation of our title. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Ouamdu Ouamdu to run here.

This International POSTAL phenomenon has somewhat overwhelmed us, but if you're game for posting our newsletter in the language of your choice (from Klingon to Hobbit to Brad Pitt in "Snatch"), let us know and we'll do anything we can to help get you started.

Seeing the POSTAL Sites
As always, here's an arbitrary list of POSTAL-related sites presented in no particular order:

* To see some new zombie images from the Eternal Damnation Mod check out http://resurrection-studios.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=449

* http://www.freewebs.com/postalaw/thepostalworld.htm has a new Share The Pain review up.

* http://postalfr.tonsite.biz/news.php French Postal forums. Parlez des machettes de boomerang en Français!
Le' W00T!

 * The new URL for the Bitches With Attitude forums is: http://purepostal.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=26 go chat with the Grrlz that WILL kick your sorry ass.

*http://moddb.com/ Your one-stop shop for all things Mod related.

* www.postalnetwork.org The first and greatest Postal portal!

* http://www.resurrection-studios.com/ Home of the Eternal Damnation Mod project.

* http://elitebastard.com/kamek/ Kamek's batcave of Postal Moddery. Loads of cool stuff for multiplayer Postal!

* http://www.bitchassmofos.com/ BAMF's multiplayer Postal Clan

* http://postal2.tk/ Looks like a store page, smells like a store page, but under the brazen attempt to sell you Share The Pain are links to free multiplayer maps and other Postal-related goodness!

* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=15229050&Mytoken=20050728120705 Ever wonder what The Dude's friends are like? Well, you can meet 27 of them right here.

* http://www.freewebs.com/bitches-with-attitude/index.htm The old Bitches With Attitude site with really awful LOUD midi music on it. They will taunt you a second time and kick your ear's ass!

* http://www.geocities.com/hellchild1989/home2.htm Another Postal fan sharing his pain. Quick, check out his Postal cartoons for some extra Deep Hurting before he does something crazy...