From The Tip Jar:
The Care and Feeding of MadCow Tourettes ZombiesTM

I don't know what's happening here, but it's fucking cool!

By The Postalmeister

In light of our SO scary Halloween theme, it seems only appropriate to focus this month's Tip Jar on that least wiley of all videogame staples: The Zombie.

Zombies in the Postal universe are a bit different than your typically boring run-of-the-mill flesh eating corpse. For one thing, rather than being the result of a meteor spewing unknown radiation, God being thouroughly pissed off at us or an uncaring multinational megacorporation tampering (yawn) with the forces of nature for (snore) profit, our zombies are the result of contact with some kind of super MadCow virus which has transformed their brains into brain-flavored slushie. The side effects of this contaminated Big Mac Attack include a really bad skin condition, an unquenchable hunger for human flesh, and Tourettes Syndrome. -Because nothing says "fucking hilarious" like a reanimated corpse uncontrollably spewing random, non-stop nonsequitur profanities for absolutely no reason at all until you bash it's head in with a mallet.

Anyway, there's a pretty weird and somewhat buggy and unpredictable easter egg hidden in Apocalypse Weekend's zombie code that goes something like this:

Pick out a nice specimen.

Seperate the upper torso form the legs.

Seperate the head from the torso, making sure not to accidentally remove the arms.

If you haven't already done so, make sure and destroy the head. You'll know if the head is still intact because the headless torso will try to crawl after you. Make it not do that.

This is what you want:

Now quickly, before the headless, legless zombie torso begins to dissolve, whip out the "Lil Dude" (no, I'm not going to explain that, it's a euphimism dumbass) and start pissing on the aforementioned headless, legless zombie torso.

You'll know if you're doing it right because you'll hear evil chanting. Oh, and THIS will happen:

And maybe some of this. KEEP PISSING!

And VIOLA! You now have a creepy, hovering zombie torso thing that will fly around and get hung up on stuff. COOL!

Now, these things, being made from something that was already pretty stupid to begin with, aren't nearly as smart, responsive and useful as an attack dog, but they're still pretty cool. When they're not acting all broken and getting hung up on shit and maybe floating around under the terrain, they'll sometimes have moments of lucidity and will attack your enemies. They have a pretty amazing one-hit head burst attack that makes short work of other zombies. The best part is that there seems to be no limit to the number of trained attack zombie torsos you can have floating around. SO MAKE MORE!!

Eventually these little guys will run out of steam, but apparently the vile third-world mojo that infuses them is powered entirely by URINE! REJOICE! So you know what to do to keep 'em going. Just a warning though, pissing on an already activated trained attack zombie torso will result in an arc of arcane electricity that will jump right up your pee-hole! So be ready for that. As if it were possible to be "ready for that".

So what the fuck are you waiting for? Kwanzaa?? START PISSIN'!!

-The Postalmeister