Okay, I admit it, I've been a fan of Gwar's unique brand of "entertainment" almost since they were first accidentally thawed out of the Antarctican ice prison that contained them for millennia. It was a thrill and an honor to represent RWS in this historic meeting of damaged minds…

Of course there was the obligatory partying in the tourbus. My lawyer says I can't openly admit to too much of what went on in there, and I did have to crawl over the corpses of my dead friends, but the slaves were plentiful as were the "crystalline refreshments." At one point Oderus Urungus handed me something that looked like a pipe, but I noticed it had a vein so I decided not to put my mouth on it.

Then Gwar took the stage. Biblically. And raped and pillaged it. They were fucking awesome. The capacity audience swelled forward and zealously worshipped their new masters, some offering up their women as sacrifices to Gwar's bestial splendor. Blood and unmentionable body fluids spewed forth drenching the writhing crowd non-stop for ninety minutes. Kind of reminded me of my favorite videogame...

Perhaps not surprisingly, Gwar is greatly interested in the War on Terror. But then they're greatly interested in any war really, even if they didn't start it. Gwar may be bloodthirsty lovecraftian barbarians, but they know a great marketing campaign when they see one. Anyway, at one point in the show, Oderus could be heard above the din of the dying asking thoughtfully: "So, how's your war on terror going? Is it going as well as your war on drugs?"

Gwar also showed its lighter side by ripping off Michael Jackson's face and eviscerating Paris Hilton. Just so you don't think they're all serious and political now.

All too soon the carnage was over, Gwar left for new lands to ravage and the survivors crawled out from under the dead. I returned to the RWS compound successful in having made first contact with the Scumdogs of the Universe. What, you think it was a coincidence that Running With Scissors personally met with Gwar? Ain't no coincidences, only synchronicity, my friend…

-Steve

Check out Gwar's new CD, War Party! You have never been less worthy!