Apocalypse Weekend Now
POSTAL 2: Apocalypse Weekend, the long-awaited add-on CD that completes the POSTAL 2 storyline with the mother of all bangs is finally on its way through the delivery pipeline. "This one was a real bitch," admitted RWS honcho Vince Desi. "Which is strange because it was right on schedule just before several events - none of them really related to the development of the game itself - forced us to grit our teeth and push back the release date. I was beginning to feel as if we were under a curse but thankfully it's finally ready to ship."

The ultimate chapter in the POSTAL 2 epic allows you to provide the Postal Dude with a true sense of closure. The Dude, meanwhile, provides a somewhat different variety of closure for the citizens of the ironically-named town of Paradise. Lots of special features, new weapons and more cool stuff which we'll be discussing in greater detail in future Urinals.

Apocalypse Weekend is scheduled for release this April, 2005 in North America and Europe.

Washington Post Goes Running With Scissors
It may not be unusual for journalists to show up at the offices of game publishers. But it isn't every day that the San Francisco Bureau Chief of the most influential newspaper in the United States (roll over, NY Times) shows up at the home of RWS Prez Vince Desi to spend two days in fly-on-the-wall mode while the heads of the company's various divisions made plans for a major revival of the POSTAL franchise in 2005.

The Washington Post's Ariana Eunjung Cha - fresh from a stint as an embedded reporter in Iraq - feverishly took notes as the various Running With Scissors cut-ups held forth on matters regarding everything from design and marketing to the fine points of Italian cuisine (if you're meeting at Vince's place, come hungry).

Although Ms. Cha originally admitted that much of her motivation for visiting RWS stemmed from the indefatigable, quote-worthy tongue of Vince Desi, but she also walked away with plenty of sound bites (they should heal within a couple days) from P2 designer Steve Wik, Marketing Moyel Mike J and game journalist/designer/relic Bill Kunkel .

The article is scheduled to appear within the next few weeks. Check our website as the publication date nears.

UFC Fighter wins sponsorship from RWS

Drew Fickett, a promising young mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter who just made his debut performance in the fabled Ultimate Fighting Championship caged octagon at the sold-out February 5th show from Mandalay Bay Hotel-Casino in Las Vegas, has a new sponsor.

As a devoted fan of the POSTAL series, Drew and his brother Sean reached out to Running With Scissors in hopes of scoring a sponsorship with a company with which he felt a real bond. It worked for us, too, and quicker than Randy Couture can lock a heel hook on Mike J, Drew was a member of the RWS Family.

Drew hit the ring clad in a GoPostal.com t-shirt after slamming himself in the head with an Official RWS Sign as a final bit of pre-fight prep. So prepare to hear a lot more about the world's most Postal Ultimate Fighter - you never know where he might turn up!

NEWS SHORTS
Last issue we announced the release of POSTAL 2: Share The Pain for the Mac. Next up: the Linux edition. Expect it to be finished and available in Europe this month or Vince will be driven to complete it himself. If you have trouble finding it at retail, go directly to our site (link to site) and pick it up there…

In the article "Give Us an R" in Atomic magazine Vince Desi is quoted on the subject of how similar game and movie ratings should be. "Games are interactive," Vince argued. "They are a different medium and so they should have a unique rating system." The article also quoted Vince on the subject of Australia, writing: "Desi has been famously critical of Australia's games classification system since his game POSTAL was banned here. 'I like Australia, I love Australian people, especially your women, but I have no fuckin' idea what your government is thinking when it comes to censorship,' he says. 'I do appreciate your support against terrorism.'"…

More cool new stuff is on its way to the RWS Store, including an all-new POSTAL Thong! The old thongs were without question the cleverest bit of game-related clothing ever stitched together by a man in a leather mask and body suit. But the new models promise to be even hotter! Keep watching the RWS Store and this newsletter for the latest in POSTAL fashion…

STRANGE NEWS FROM THE NON-VIRTUAL WORLD

Krotchy! NOOOoo!
Reuters news agency reported that a Welsh rugby fan was so convinced that England would trounce his own country's rugby squad that he rashly vowed to snip off his testicles if Wales came out on top in a recent match. Cutting (ouch!) to the chase, Wales won and fan Geoff Huish even more rashly refused to "welsh" on his promise, went home and performed elective surgery on himself. He even brought the evidence to his local pub to show fellow fans what a good loser and horse's ass he is. "The Urinal" devotes this issue to Geoff's sac…

Legal Vultures Continue to Circle...
They're blaming another gruesome crime on a videogame. This time the evil program which supposedly induced an 18-year old to shoot three policemen in Fayette, Alabama is GTA: San Andreas. The story begins when Devin Thompson actually committed grand theft auto, according to the charges. After being stopped, he was allegedly taken to the local police station where he somehow managed to obtain his arresting officer's weapon, shoot that policeman in the head and cap two additional officers before fleeing in a stolen police car. He was recaptured shortly thereafter and tossed in jail. At this point, however, the family of one of the dead cops was targeted by Jack Thompson, the Miami-based shyster who ran a long campaign against rap music as the Great Satan of Western Society then jumped on the anti-videogame bandwagon in the late 90s. Thompson (no relation to the defendant) calls videogames "murder simulators" (hmm, where have I heard THAT term before?) yet sees them as great targets to scapegoat for tragic events such as this. Jack the Knife is currently looking to gut Take Two, SCEA (the kid played on a PS2) and Wal-Mart/GameStop (that's where he bought it) for $600 million…

Thompson got some ink when he claimed to have predicted Columbine. Apparently, he appeared on a Colorado TV station a week or two before the massacre and lathered on his usual "Doom is doom!" rhetoric, later claiming that Kliebold and Harris "trained obsessively" for their murder mission using Doom. You know, the Army uses Full Spectrum Combat as a simulator, but the idea that Doom is a tool through which to prep for a killing spree at a local high school where everyone else is unarmed is the product of a damaged mind. Massacre doesn't require "training." I have never trained with Delta Force or any other such commando or military group, but you know what? Arm me with bombs, shotguns, .45s, knives, grenades, a willing partner, etc., and I guarantee you I could KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS in any high school in the world, even without the benefit of hundreds of hours on FPS games. Hell, I could probably be even MORE of a badass if I hit an elementary school. And day care? Those babies? I'd clean their clocks…

So far, Thompson's attempts to slide the blame for a variety of crimes onto videogames has not been very successful. But that doesn't mean he'll give up; it only takes one misguided judge or jury to create a nightmare in the game industry. Anyway, should you feel so inclined, you can tell Jack Thompson how you feel by writing to him at 1172 South Dixie Hwy., Suite 111, Coral Gables, FL 33146 - and definitely check out his whacko website!

California Nightmare
Speaking of opportunists looking to scapegoat games, meet California Assemblyman Leland Yee, a Democrat from San Francisco who thought he could score a gimme touchdown using games as a political football. You can get the full story on Gamespot, but the short version has Yee attempting to revive a piece of legislation (AB 1792) that flopped when he first tried to launch it back in January 2004 that would bust retailers who rent or sell "violent" videogames to minors. The IEMA immediately called out the troops and prepared to fight back, but Yee, with the support of the Girl Scouts and a California Parents-Teachers group, felt certain he could win it this time. But no, Yee recently admitted defeat on this latest attempt to erode the freedom of game players. According to Gamespot, Yee was "specifically… targeting first- and third-person shooter games such as Postal 2 and Grand Theft Auto III, where players perform acts of violence that would be considered a crime in real life." The game industry was once again able to hold back the tide of ignorance, but Yee's confidence is frightening. "I thought this was a slam dunk," the politician admitted…

Editor's Note:
This issue dedicated to Hunter S. Thompson -- a GOOD Thompson -- creator of Gonzo Journalism and author of the American classic, "Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas." Shot himself with a rifle. Caliber unknown at this time.