POSTAL BULLETS
News From The Postal Underworld

Let the questions and suggestions pour forth.

War on Videogames Amps Up but RWS Slips Through Some Crack in the Wall
While the International War on Video and Computer Games gets continually scarier, Running With Scissors has suddenly made its game available on a worldwide scale. How did we do it? To paraphrase "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, "Just when the Game Haters think they've got all the answers, we change the questions!"

Germany , still overcompensating for tiny cars, lousy porn and WWII are attempting to produce the ultimate Politically Correct nation, and is coming ironically close to its Nazi past in the process. According to a recent article on Game Daily, the government there is attempting to promote national "harmony" and a next generation that is utterly non-violent (boohoohahahaha!). How? Why, by instituting a "complete ban" on "violent videogames" of course!

No ratings, no making the blood look like machine oil (red blood has been banned in all German games for decades, so it's SOP for developers to pretend the characters gushing plasma are robots "leaking oil") but a total elimination of any games that some Dieter-type decides are disturbingly realistic in terms of human interaction. Or in the words of meat-head Andreas Scheuer of Germany 's Christian Social Union: "[Violent games] have no place in Germany 's bedrooms." Sorry, Andreas, you're not supposed to sleep with the games, you're supposed to play them.

So as Germany advances from burning books to banning videogames in one generation, the rest of the world isn't doing much better in terms of freedom and enlightenment on the subject. POSTAL loyalist Roger Månsson of Sweden just reported that the south Swedish newspaper Sydsvenska Dagbladet reports that the "owner of an import company has been prosecuted for having imported and sold the game POSTAL 2. The prosecutor says that game violates freedom of speech by 'description of illegal violence'. Many in the gaming community [believe] that it is [a bad sign when someone is prosecuted for importing] a game that is correctly rated for violence, etc. People should judge for themselves what's good for them. Personally I've never heard the judicial term 'description of illegal violence'. One never ceases to be surprised over inventive indictments." A-men, my friend. And if you can read Swedish, go check it out for yourself.

POSTAL games are banned outright or are simply impossible to obtain in countries all over the world. As a result, RWS has made a deal with Softwrap that will make all POSTAL games available in Australia , Brazil , China , Germany , Korea , Malaysia , New Zealand , Singapore , South Africa and Sweden (there will be no more importers going to jail there on our account). Anyone in those countries who can get to our site will now be able to order and receive the game directly. Softwrap takes care of all the monetary conversions, etc., and it'll just be our little secret.

Soon, the RWS crew will not have to sit here weeping over emails such as this one from Little Viggi from Iceland . He writes: "Hello. I am a 14 years old and I live on Iceland and the POSTAL game aren't here on Iceland . I don't got a credit card so I can't buy them. My mama won't let me buy them with her credit card so can you help me or something?"

Help is coming, Little Viggi, help is coming! I'm sorry, my emotions just overwhelmed me there. Anyway, for the complete ya-yo on this Softwrap story, you can go directly to the press release and collect all the details.

Wallpapers R Us
Here's the swanky new submission from Alex D. It's tailored for all your 1234x976 needs. Maybe it's metric...

(Click on the psycho for the full size image)

POSTAL Movie Update
As announced last issue, POSTAL will indeed be taking a trip to the big screen. Filming is still set to begin in 2006 for a release in 2007. Now to answer the questions that drive our readers mad.

Yes, Uwe Boll IS still the director. But RWS will have serious creative input on this project, POSTAL is Uwe's personal favorite game franchise and we've already taken the money, so please, move on with your lives.

Yes, Gary Coleman WILL be in the movie.

Yes, the script is currently in development.

And finally, yes, you have been more than generous in sharing your vision with regard to the perfect actor to play the Postal Dude. Personally, I'd go for an unknown and have him blow up, decapitate or perform a shovel-ectomy on the "name" stars. But nobody ever listens to a guy in a feces-smeared leather mask and body suit, do they?

Our man Gareth, however, ran a poll in which Bruce Campbell (a little long in the tooth last time I saw him), Johnny Depp and Ed Norton all collected significant support. Meanwhile, here at RWS, Vince Desi reports that everyone from Adam Sandler to Chris Jericho has gotten votes.

Gareth is now running an official casting call poll and you can send him your vote at Gareth@nwlink.com. You can also see his interview with Herr Uwe Boll on his website.

POSTAL Graphic Novel in Negotiations
We were so impressed – as were you, our readers – by the amazing POSTAL art that Chris Holm contributed to our last issue, we'd like to create a graphic novel, with a new chapter appearing in each issue of The Urinal. Possible start date is as early as next issue if we get our ducks in a row (of course, the minute we do that, Phil shoots them). The story will take place in between the events of Apocalypse Weekend and POSTAL 3

Plans are also afoot for a CD of POSTAL-inspired music. "We want to produce a CD of original songs, all RWS-approved, ranging from meth metal to rap, no type of music is barred," promised Running With Scissors CEO Vince Desi. "And this music is not limited to the film soundtrack or songs created for the Postal Babes DVD which we also intend to get into production as soon as possible."

Game Doctor " Confessions " Released
He's the only doctor in the house – and he only plays one in this newsletter. Still, after over a quarter century in the business, Rolenta Press has officially released "Confessions of The Game Doctor," the first tell-all type book on the videogame bookshelf. Drugs, sex and even games are discussed. Tommy Tallarico was very impressed. Cliffy B could not be reached for comment.

Overseas Editions of The Urinal Still Overflowing the International Scene
German The Dude Magazine - This is the most ambitious POSTAL fan magazine project we have seen and contains original material. We at RWS are in the process of granting them free access to all materials from The Urinal – in fact, since some of these publications can show nip, you might want to check them out for POSTAL Babe shots that even WE can't show you. In any case, at the moment this is simply a magazine devoted to POSTAL and The Dude and whether you can read German or not, it's well worth checking out.

Russian Russia has certainly embraced the POSTAL series – we've sold, like, millions of copies over there – so it was inevitable that a site such as this would turn up. Take a trip that melts the Iron Curtain, comrades, and see what a Urinal looks like in Russia .

Portuguese Pedro is among our oldest and most loyal fans and among the first to seek permission to translate our newsletter into other tongues.

Swedish I mean, with all those hot, blond POSTAL Babes, you KNEW there hadda be a Swedish version, right?

Italian Manuel Marino, nother of our true veterans and hall of fame fans brings you a Urinal with Italiano zest!

Benelux/Dutch D. Dam Wichers decided The Benelux countries need The Urinal too, folks. This is a recent effort and we wish Danny Dam the best of luck.

Japan Toshi informs us POSTAL is extremely popular in the Pacific Rim and I'm sure we'd do even better there if we included bondage shots in the games. Oh well, you can't have everything.

Gallic/French This is the publication that drew 18 different suggestions for an appropriate translation of our title. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Ouamdu Ouamdu to run here.

This International POSTAL phenomenon has somewhat overwhelmed us, but if you're game for posting our newsletter in the language of your choice (from Klingon to Hobbit to Brad Pitt in "Snatch"), let us know and we'll do anything we can to help get you started.

Seeing the POSTAL Sites
As always, here's an arbitrary list of POSTAL-related sites presented in no particular order:

* To see some new zombie images from the Eternal Damnation Mod check out http://resurrection-studios.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=449

* http://www.freewebs.com/postalaw/thepostalworld.htm has a new Share The Pain review up.

* http://postalfr.tonsite.biz/news.php French Postal forums. Parlez des machettes de boomerang en Français!
Le' W00T!

 * The new URL for the Bitches With Attitude forums is: http://purepostal.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=26 go chat with the Grrlz that WILL kick your sorry ass.

*http://moddb.com/ Your one-stop shop for all things Mod related.

* www.postalnetwork.org The first and greatest Postal portal!

* http://www.resurrection-studios.com/ Home of the Eternal Damnation Mod project.

* http://elitebastard.com/kamek/ Kamek's batcave of Postal Moddery. Loads of cool stuff for multiplayer Postal!

* http://www.bitchassmofos.com/ BAMF's multiplayer Postal Clan

* http://postal2.tk/ Looks like a store page, smells like a store page, but under the brazen attempt to sell you Share The Pain are links to free multiplayer maps and other Postal-related goodness!

* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=15229050&Mytoken=20050728120705 Ever wonder what The Dude's friends are like? Well, you can meet 27 of them right here.

* http://www.freewebs.com/bitches-with-attitude/index.htm The old Bitches With Attitude site with really awful LOUD midi music on it. They will taunt you a second time and kick your ear's ass!

* http://www.geocities.com/hellchild1989/home2.htm Another Postal fan sharing his pain. Quick, check out his Postal cartoons for some extra Deep Hurting before he does something crazy...

And that wraps us up for this special Holiday Issue. Be here next time when The Urinal celebrates some other celebrateable thing. Be here; we'll snap you right out of that post-holiday depression that has you sucking on the barrel of your shotgun with alarming frequency! [-Or make you pull the trigger! -Postalmeister.]