I'll admit it; I do a lot of bitching and griping and ranting from this soapbox. But it's either that or I have to stand on the floor and start to get fungus of the ankles. Besides, without the soapbox I wouldn't know what you people were getting up to in the stalls.

Okay, I see you two in Stall Three – take that stuff to a Catholic Church where it belongs!

But I gots to chill, cause 'tis the Holiday Season and I have so much cool content to show and tell you about that I must resist the implacable urge to shoot off my mouth (which would, at the very least, make it even more difficult to speak than the zipper over the mouthpiece on this leather head mask). For example, there's more news on the POSTAL movie – not to mention tons of speculation on who will play the Dude. There's a Postal Babes DVD in the works not to mention a plateful of other exciting projects in partnership with the AlphaModels.

There's POSTAL music in the air (and something else as well, I fear – Champ, did you just drop a bomb in here?), the Café Press store is bulging with gotta-have-it POSTAL gear and plans are blooming for POSTAL 3 on the XBox 360 and PC in the future.

We've also got plans to produce a POSTAL Graphic Novel with the first chapter set to appear in the January Urinal and we promise to continue our unflagging support for Mac computers and the Linux OS. And speaking of support, Running With Scissors continues to expand its stable of sponsored mixed martial arts (MMA), including Drew "The Master" Fickett (UFC), female fighter Hayley "The Hammer" Salazar (Rage in the Cage) and Ed West (Rage in the Cage), each of whom crushed their sad victims in their last bout.

Licenses are busting out all over like herpes, but at least one group isn't giving us our props. In a recent story in the NY Daily News one of those self-appointed "videogame watchdog" groups (so designated because they're mostly drooling bitches) has issued its "Terrible Twelve" – a sampling of what the National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMaF) considers the dozen most violent and unsuitable electronic games on the market.

Well, for some reason this particular crew got really upset about flesh-eating zombies and singled out F.E.A.R. and Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse . The games were scolded for "graphic scenes of characters feasting on human flesh." Now maybe the old Gimp is going senile, but it seems to me that POSTAL2 not only has ZOMBIES – it has MADCOW ZOMBIES with Tourettes Syndrome! So not only do they graphically feast on human flesh, but they're swearing like drunken sailors while they dine on your vitals. And I won't even delve into the fact that, unlike other, inferior zombie games, you can URINATE on the zombies in POSTAL2.

So what's my problem? I'll tell you my problem – we didn't make the damned list! What's the matter with you NIMaFphiles? You don't see it in Wal-Mart so it doesn't offend you? Can't you even keep up with state of the art in terms of a game franchise that has proven itself time and again to be a guaranteed affront to anybody who'd belong to an organization with a stick-up-its-ass name like the National Institute on Media and the Family?

They haven't heard the last of this, but you probably have. It's off to the "meat" of the Urinal for you folks, as our special Holiday Armageddon Issue prepares to have you drooling over its combination of sizzling POSTAL gear, hot news about future RWS projects and not only this month's Postal Babe Stephanie Heinrich (Playboy's Playmate of the Month, October 2001) but a well-heated collection of past Postal Babes as well as a special section in which you can vote for the POSTAL BABE OF 2005.

--The Gimp
Editor, The Urinal