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E3 2004 Report 
Hello kids, Larry the Crab here, bringing you Running With Scissors' report on E3 2004. Now I'm sure you've already read all the paid-advertisements-as-articles covering all the crappy games and half-assed sequels everyone must have this year. So, I figured we'd follow Gary and Postal Babes around and check out E3 in style.  Starting on the right we have Mike J , the resident marketing moil at RWS, along with the indefatigable Vince Desi (who felt he had to represent Irish gays on their national holiday, hence the shirt). In the middle is Anna and to her left stands Gary Rodman. Next we have the voluptuous Nurse Betty who's pointing to the pressure point on Gary which, when pushed, will render him instantly unconscious. Jeanette rounds out the group on the left. (Note the drool in her belly button deposited there by the last guy to take pictures with her.)  Tommy Tallarico entertains Gary and Vince with an 'a capella' rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings. Nurse Betty tried to provide backup but Jeanette kinda thought she was off key.  An aide informs Warren Specter that the only people to show up for his afternoon speech about AI are Gary and the Postal Babes. (The really sad thing is they were just resting while Abu took a picture of them, but they didn't want to hurt Warren's feelings and stayed around a while longer).  The Postal Babes attempt to claim the part of Gary they'd want to have if they were stranded on a desert island. Jeanette's not thrilled with her 'left calf' choice but she came in a little late anyway.  Gary argues with Hank Azaria about Mystery Men's lack of short, black super heroes and his ideas for a sequel. Meanwhile, the guy just above Hank's head stares dreamily at Gary, imagining the many ways he could please him.  The guy off to the right side tries to show the girls that he's really a gang member with the Bloods and proceeds to show them the secret hand gesture that spells 'blood' with his fingers. Jeannette and Nurse Betty kind of dig gangstas.  Gary and the Babes pause for some shots outside the venue. The sun quickly gets to Jeannette though and she nearly passed out from low blood sugar. The three Babes only had enough time to split a $20 "cilantro and Botox, low-carb wrap" for lunch.  The girls then show up at the Tapwave booth for some more lunch but they're only serving margaritas and wine.  The four set down to play the Zodiac, but they're only three and Gary pulled rank on Jeannette. She's not taking it well.  Nurse Betty fraternizes with some Playboy playmates. In the background Mike J uses his Super-human speed to make it to the bathroom in time before he has to replace his pants.  Nurse Betty secretly plants a wiretap on a playmate. She plans to use the info for a full-scale assault on Heff's mansion.  The playmate in yellow is so taken by Gary's new hairdo she can't choke back the tears.  Here we catch a rare glimpse of Morgan Freeman at his day job as convention center security.  Vince pauses to take a photo with a booth babe from the DreamCatcher booth.  To close the day Gary reads a passage from Psalms for G4 and everyone pauses in quiet reflection before sleeping in line for a taxi outside the center. |
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